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Al Saenz

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[13 Mar 2005|05:46pm]
As of now... i will no longer be writing in this journal... sorry to all like 5 people that read it...and with this i say good day

God Bless Everyone... and fuck off...Peace
3 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[27 Feb 2005|11:01pm]
so look in my eyes, what will you leave behind once you've gone? you got what you came for now I think it's time to move on. but these ghosts come alive like water and wine, walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs, to them these streets belong. my atonement lasts the best part of eternity. ran out of hands to count the sin that breeds inside of me. not this hate but the loneliness has left me here into this mess of... my hands are soaking in the blood of angels on broken wings, they collapse dark clouds exploded and torrents of rain fell. all these lost halos wash away. head hung from shame we bear a weight that brings me to a crawl. these years of longing tell of decades of unanswered calls, for a change, cause everyday we slip and fall. kicked while were down, our fists clenched into a ball.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[17 Feb 2005|11:07pm]
"when i was 4 years old they gave me an IQ test.they placed 3 oranges and a pear in front of me. they asked me to look at them and choose which one was different and did not belong. they tought me being different was wrong."
Bleed Me An Ocean

[16 Feb 2005|11:13pm]
[ mood | fuck you ]

why god? why? is it funny to you? is there a reason why you do these things to me? one minute things are going good, the next i find myself, all "emo" and wanting to die. i dont understand. i just dont freaking understand. give me some reason to keep going, to keep fighting for the things i beleive in and for the thing i want. ive given up already. its too much for me to handle. i know its not the right thing to do, but i have no other choice. ive honestly hit rock bottom.

3 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[30 Jan 2005|10:35pm]
"Tiger Lily"

we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawl of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
cause i (cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
[x2]

why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
cause i (cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse

- Matchbook Romance -
2 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[30 Jan 2005|10:27pm]
why is it when you have all this built up anger and just plain hatred for somebody and then they just go and say hi... and jus like that you dont have all those feelings. its stupid i know, but im weak. ill be the first to say that im weak. its just who i am, its part of my character. so yea. i hate myself for putting myself through this YET A-FUCKING-GAIN, falling for the same person. twice in one year when i thought i was completely over her. its tragic. well naw, its more pathetic that tragic.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[19 Jan 2005|11:54pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

When she cut me in two... I never thought i would Bleed

2 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[12 Jan 2005|11:16pm]
well i dont know what to think. i dont know what to do anymore. im so confused... and not in a gay way. i mean i hear one thing, but she acts another. i need help.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[11 Jan 2005|10:13pm]
Somethings wrong... Trying to conquer these fears i thought were gone. Its been so long. Im dying to be in a world i dont belong.


And if you could make up, For every single time you lied I'd probably whisper this. Hello, goodbye. And so it begins again, Harder each and every time I start to reminisce. I never seem to ever find. Someone I can trust. Someone I believe. Someone who will never try. To bring me to my knees. Someday I will find again. Someone just like me. Someone who will take the time. In understanding me. And if I could make up. For every single tear you cried. I'd probably never miss. Your hand in mine. I never could understand Mistakes I repeat again. I've been through this so many times.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[11 Jan 2005|09:42pm]
wow. it truly, utterly, amazing. i cant beleive it.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[09 Jan 2005|10:04pm]
Its funny how one person makes this much of a diference. the moment you see her you're in absolute bliss. You can do no wrong, and all your problems and worries seem to dissapate. Then the moment shes gone, its back to the same dark life. A life with all the worries, all the stress. A life where one sleeps a total of 6 hours a week. I never thought it will be like this for me. I havent talked to her on the phone in over a week, but i see her in school now. And when i see her... i dont know, my mind is just clear i guess. Its extremely difficult to know that the one thing you know will make you somewhat happy, you cant have. Its like when you where a kid, and you were saving up to buy this toy you always wanted. As soon as you have enough to buy it, you go to the store and find that they raised the price. So you save some more, and go back and again the price is raised. Thats how it is with me. Its like no matter what i do, or how hard i try, im always gonna be a step behind. A step behind acquiring the one item that will give a little sunlight to my dark, cold, miserable thing. The thing we so call life. Its fucking pathetic.
2 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[05 Jan 2005|09:57pm]
Never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down
Now when I look out my window
But there doesn't seem to be anyone around

We said we'd take little time
For both of us to see
ANd wonder what it'd be like to carry on
Ya, I know I got crazy
Well I guess that's just me
If I could turn back time before
The wrong

And I, I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
Tomorrow's a brand new day
Tomorrow's a new day

Ya, And I, I think I'll change my ways
So all your words get noticed
I think I'll change my ways
I think I'll change my ways
Ahhhhh, Ahhhhh
I think I'll change my ways

Never thought I'd say I'm sorry
Never thought I'd be the one
To bring you down
2 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[05 Jan 2005|07:25pm]
6 days. 144 hours. 8640 minutes. 518400 seconds have gone by and i never thought i would feel like this. Like theres an empty hole in my body, like something is missing. Its annoying as fuck to know that the answers to all your problems in right there in front of you behind the glass window. All you have to do is go in and get it. As simple as it may sound, its harder than anyone can imagine. To actually go in and claim that item as "yours", its hell. Its absolutely torturing, but thats my reality. I live my life that way, i find something i think will make me happy and i spend all my time trying to get it. Then, the store closes and all your hope and dreams go with it. So what do you do? Simple, you go on and wait til you find something else, something else that you think will make you happy, something to fill that void, that hole.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[03 Jan 2005|11:32pm]
what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go

and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

i never thought i'd be the one to say
please don't, please don't leave me

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy... (easy, easy, easy...)

take my hand and never let me go,
take my hand and never let me go,
promise me...
you'll never let go

make this last forever

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know, you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy

so fall asleep tonight, cuz' that brings me closer to you
1 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[03 Jan 2005|02:38am]
You grow up thinking your family is the greatest. You look at your brothers and sisters ad kings of the world. Like they can do no harm. Then you grow up and you find out the truth, yea, your family isnt perfect. They do things that arent to your liking, but, its not your life and they aint hurting nobody. But what happens when one of them has kids and they look at they mom as perfect, queen of the free world. Now its diferent. Your actions not only hurt you, but they hurt your kids in more ways than one. Your doing things that can tear apart the family easy. Its wrong on so many levels. What do we do then? Do we tell people that can help and have the risk of tearing her family apart? Or, do we not do anything and watch as her life slowly fades to black? Decisions, decisions. At 11:43 A.M. on January 2nd, 2005, in the year of our Lord, I heard news about somebody i never thought i would hear. Its hard to swallow, but its now our reality... Please get the help you need. If not for us, for your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless.

P.S. Lord Jesus Christ help those families that are going through unimaginable times out in the eastern part of the world. Bless them with the strength, supplies and materials needed to help overcome this disaster that destroyed the lives of so many of our brothers and sisters. Help those keep the faith in You that have lost their loved ones, for they know you will help them. My condolences to those who have lost.

Please help and donate and do you part...
www.redcross.org 1-800-HELP-NOW
www.unicef.org

God Bless
Bleed Me An Ocean

[30 Dec 2004|10:37pm]
I AM AWAKE UNDER THIS PLANET OF FEAR. I MUST SAY NONE OF THE PEOPLE BELONG HERE. NOW EVERYONES ASLEEP. I AM AWAKE AND I AM DREAMING. I BELEIVE ITS TIME FOR A RUDE AWAKENING, SO HOLD ON TO YOUR DREAMS BECUASE YOUR NIGHTMARES MIGHT SEEM LIKE THEY'RE YOUR REALITY. I BELEIVE THE ONE THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF & THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN. I HEARD HIM SAY "dreamers have become an endangered species." "im aware of the rude awakening.!!!" IM FALLING IN MY DREAM. I FINALLY HIT THE GROUND...


signified
i can remember the first show
an impression of love, hate,
with metaphoric tragedies
consuming attention spans
from the grassroots appeal
i was caught in the web
of acknowledgement
a path less traveled by rock
four on the floor became valid
personally and publically
with overwhelming trials
and tribulations

acceptance and ability
of your expression consumed
like water in a drought
a focus on instrumental
enlightment maintaining
a grounded mentality allowing
the masses to apply in our
own lives we share and promote
live. we understand, we connect
we interpret and fulfill ourselves

breaking down the subtle
differences denying nothing
but marketing mishaps
the truth was ever so present
a survival exam from the
validity of the masses
tuxtaposing personal versus
public interest
you succeed in every
way, form, and shape.
an enigma of promotional
personality, perception,
and preotection to be
nothing less than
signifier.
Bleed Me An Ocean

[29 Dec 2004|01:52am]
so lately i have no idea what the hell is going on with me. i mean one hour im happy go lucky, the next im emo and shit. dont know why im like this, well maybe i do but she cant be the reason. then again she might be. all i know is i dont know whats going with me. like ive said many times before im scared. scared for me and what im gonna do to myself. somebody, anybody help me!!! PLEASE!!!
2 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[29 Dec 2004|12:04am]
[ mood | fuck you ]

yeah... i wanna die. so thats my news. maybe ill die tomorrow, dont get your hopes up.

6616 Days Ive Lived In Misery
1 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[14 Dec 2004|09:13pm]
Horoscope - Scorpio - Dec. 14, 2004

Still can't make up your mind? Time is wasting, and you know it's time to take action already -- even if you're still not sure what you should do. Don't be bashful. Trust your gut and take a chance....


Should I? Should I Tell Her?
1 Bleeding Hearts | Bleed Me An Ocean

[13 Dec 2004|09:56pm]
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help to fix myself
Your making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
A kiss will only vise
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That your drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last dance

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause your drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

-Papa Roach ~ Scars-
Bleed Me An Ocean

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